Election gets hairy
Far be it from Men Rock to interfere with the democratic process in the run-up to the General Election, but we will state a vested interest: Jeremy Corbyn’s beard. We’re interested in all things beardy and you’re sure to see plenty of Mr Corbyn’s facial fuzz in the next few weeks (and perhaps beyond).
If the media can focus on Theresa May’s legs as being among Theresa May’s finest weapons, then surely the Labour leader’s facial furniture must also be fair game? Perhaps as a secret weapon, as we shall see…
Furore over legs
Who can forget the furore caused by the Daily Mail’s columnist Sarah Vine, commenting on the PM’s historic meeting with Nicola Sturgeon over Scotland’s Brexit position and a possible second Scottish referendum?
‘Never mind Brexit, who won Legs-it!’ screamed the headline, with pictures of both women apparently flaunting their pins. ‘But what stands out here are the legs – and the vast expanse on show’, they continued. There is no doubt that both women consider their pins to be the finest weapon in their physical arsenal. Consequently, both have been unsheathed.’
More than 300 people complained to press regulator IPSO over the coverage.
Top in Beard Poll
In the beard stakes, it seems, Mr Corbyn has little opposition. Remember, we’re talking here about the man who has won the Parliamentary Beard of The Year six years in a row. Admittedly, one of those victories was only by a whisker when he beat Scottish Nationalist Party MP Stewart McDonald.
Significantly, the Beard Liberation Front (the force behind the Parliamentary Beard of the Year), campaigned earlier this year, urging Mr Corbyn to relaunch his beard.
BLF organiser Keith Flett said at the time Mr Corbyn was about to relaunch the Labour Party with a more populist style: ‘When you’re talking populism there is surely nothing more popular style-wise than a full organic beard. We know Jeremy Corbyn has the capacity to grow one and we’d urge him to relaunch his beard in the weeks to come.’ This begs the question, do they mean a full Karl Marx?
‘Face of anti-glamour’
Even Glamour magazine has, in the past, taken an interest in Mr Corbyn’s whiskers dubbing him ‘the face of anti-glamour’. Even so, they didn’t write him off entirely in the style stakes: ‘But the thing is Mr Corbyn, we rather like your lo-fi, unaffected approach to style. We would go as far to say that we have learnt a thing or two from your Jarvis Cocker-meets-geography-teacher get-up.’
They may not, however, have quite grasped the political significance of Mr Corbyn’s secret weapon – something not lost on the Daily Mirror. They noted that: ‘…the appeal of whiskers closely mirrors the economic cycle. Face fuzz is largely absent when prices rise but makes a comeback as inflation falls.
‘This was first observed by American sociologist Dwight Robinson. He counted the number of beards which appeared in the Illustrated London News between 1871 and 1972, as you do when there’s not much on telly.
‘His research revealed whiskers were massive in every sense in the 1890s and began dropping off after that, not returning until the 1920s during the Great Depression.’
Hmmm. Well, some politicians have based their decisions on flimsier evidence than that.
Tidy up that chin!
So what beard advice should we give Mr Corbyn? He could start by tidying up the bit beneath his chin to rid himself of what someone once described as ‘the retired postman look’. Remove that thick growth on his neck and throat and keep the rest of his beard short and trim.
We might even suggest he gets himself one of our shavers for the purpose. Might we suggest the Men Rock Cut-Throat Razor Starter Pack – the ideal accessory for a hard fought election campaign. One of our Men Rock Beard Brushes or a pair of Men Rock Beard Scissors would be a godsend on the campaign trail. And when it comes to door-stepping, what better way to make a smooth first impression than by using one of our fragrant Beard Balms or Beard Oils.
We wouldn’t go so far as to suggest dyeing his beard, as The Codpiece did at the time of the Cumberland by-election defeat.
In concluding, and in the interests of political even-handedness, we should point out that the leader of the other major political party, the LibDems, Tim Farron, MP, definitely does not have a beard. To further improve his chances of election victory, we’d like to suggest that he choose from Men Rock’s extensive range of Classic Barber Style Shaving Products aimed squarely at the blade-shunner.